Heaven is For Real

I read the book Heaven is For Real this weekend, and I can't stop thinking about it. Right before I got pregnant with Jackson, I had a miscarriage. I have always been thankful that God blessed me with Jackson, and I know that had I not had the miscarriage I would not have my precious boy. Still, there has always been a part of me that wonders about that baby that died in my belly. In the book Heaven is For Real, a 4 year old boy (pastor's son) goes to Heaven during an emergency appendectomy. After his surgery he wakes up to tell all of the things that he experienced in Heaven. While there, he meets his sister who died in his mommy's tummy before she conceived him. Since reading this book, I cannot stop thinking about my baby who is up in Heaven. I guess it has made me think about things differently. I know that everyone believes something different about what happens when we get to Heaven, but after reading this book, I look forward to the day that I get to meet my little boy or girl who is up there watching over our family. It's a great book! You should check it out! :)

My Big Boy . . .the best big brother in the world

I am so proud of my big boy! Jackson is such an awesome kid. He has such a sweet disposition. He is helpful, smart, funny. I could go on and on about him. He's my little buddy. He has recently become very independent. He wants to do everything by himself. It's cute, but sometimes it makes me sad because I realize that he is growing up. He still wants his mommy when he falls down or first thing in the morning when he wakes up so that makes me happy. I don't know what I will when he starts to REALLY be independent. One of the things that I love the most about him is how wonderful he is with Kaden. He is the best big brother. Both boys just adore each other. When Jackson walks into the room, Kaden will follow him with his eyes and just grin from ear to ear. Jackson is always giving Kaden kisses and hugs and trying to play with him. The other day Kaden was in his crib and I was getting Jackson's dinner ready. Kaden started crying and before I knew it I could hear Jackson on the monitor talking to Kaden. He came back downstairs and he said, "I'm sorry Mommy. I tried to make him happy, but it didn't work." He seemed so sad that he could not make him stop crying. It was pretty cute.

Jackson always wants to hold Kaden, and he always asks at times when it is not really possible. When he does get to hold him he gets so excited.
He always wants to play with Kaden so anytime Kaden is on the floor, Jackson is right there beside him.

Kurt and I both had 2 hour delays the other day so we were taking our time getting ready. Both boys were up and Jackson was watching a cartoon. We walked into the living room and found him sitting right next to Kaden with his little arm around him. They were both watching the tv. It was so cute.
Jackson has been OBSESSED with Toy Story lately. He got Toy Story 3 for Christmas, and I bet he has watched it 30 times since then. My best friend bought him a Buzz Lightyear costume for Christmas, too. He seriously wore it for 2 days straight. He would not take it off. He even napped in it. It's cute, but we had to put it away so he would actually not want to wear it every second of every day. Haha.

He even had to wear it when Dani, Scott, & the kids came over so he could show them.
He's such an awesome kid. He just amazes us everyday with how smart he is and how kind he is. His teachers at school adore him, and they tell me all the time what a great little boy he is. It makes me really proud.

My Happy Boy

I have to admit that during the first 7 weeks of Kaden's life I really wondered if he would ever be happy like his brother. He cried ALL.THE.TIME. It just broke my heart, and to be honest, it took me awhile to bond with him because we were both so stressed. Then, I discovered Dr. Nancy. She is an infant chiropractor (yeah . . I know. I had never heard of that either), and she is an angel. We went to see her a couple times and Kaden was instantly a different child. Poor little guy had a pinched nerve in his neck from the stress from his broken bones, and his cranium was all jacked up. Anyway, when she would work on him you could just see the calm come over him. It was AMAZING!! He would just stare at her and smile! Anyway, these days you would never know that the poor little guy had a rough start. He is so happy and he's just so much fun. Here are just a few pics of my happy boy. Enjoy!

I know this sounds sappy, but I have never been happier. I love my life. We've finally finished the house. I work 10 minutes from home so I get to spend all kinds of time with Kurt and the boys. I have a wonderful husband and two wonderful boys. I really can't complain about anything, and I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds for my family. :)

Jackson's Mini Me

I've been looking at a lot of pictures of Kaden lately and thinking they look just like Jackson when he was a baby. Well, the other day I took a picture of Kaden in his exersaucer (yes, he's big enough for one of those already . . .tear) and it looked JUST like a picture that we have of Jackson. You see for yourself.

The only difference is that Kaden has a little darker complexion and his eyes are a little darker. Other than that, though, they look just like each other. We definitely cannot deny that they are brothers. :) I'm anxious to see what they look like as they get older. . . .although they can take their time with that. They are already growing up so quickly. All I know is that I have two beautiful little boys, and I could just stare at them and kiss them all day long. :)

Just so I remember

Kurt was upstairs working on the floor in Jackson's room, and I heard the radio turn up. Keith Urban's Making Memories of Us was on. . . our first dance song at our wedding. Before I knew it, Kurt was down here pulling me up to dance with him. I cried. :) Haha! I just want to remember this because he doesn't do very many "romantic" things. I don't appreciate him enough . . . He's a great husband and a terrific father. He's our #1 advocate in all situations and we are lucky to have him. :)

My precious boys. . .

Jackson is so excited about his new little brother. He wants to kiss and hug him all the time, and he is always saying, "He's so sweet, Mommy." I just love it that he is such a good big brother. He is always eager to help us when we are changing Kaden's diaper or whatever it is that we may be doing at the time. Sometimes he is a little too aggressive without meaning to be but I am sure he'll get better with that as he gets used to Kaden being around.

Just because I want to remember how cute they look together . . .

What a few weeks it has been

Where has the last month gone?! Being away from home for so long really stunk, but I have learned a lot of things in the process.

August 30th FINALLY arrived after nearly 3 weeks in the hospital. I was so nervous for the c-section (which was really not bad, by the way), and I was so excited to meet my newest little man. The day seems like somewhat of a blur now. First of all, my nurse that day was awesome! She was so much fun, and I am glad she was with me. My OB is another story. . . she came into the room at around 10ish and asked if it was okay if she took a photo of my placenta because of the split placenta. I said I didn't care, and then she said to my nurse that she would meet us in the OR at 11:30. Michelle said we would head back there at 11:00 to start getting everything ready for the c-section, and my doc said okay. Everything was going really well in the OR. In case you've never had one I will tell you that a Spinal starts working CRAZY FAST!! I swear as soon as she stuck me with the needle my body was numb from the breast down. Anyway, I was getting excited and just trying to breath to stay calm until Kurt came into the room. He got there shortly after (he's awesome by the way!)! Then, I heard my nurse talking about the time, and the anesthesiologist was almost pacing behind my head. I looked at the clock to see that the clock said 11:40!! She was TEN MINUTES LATE. The next two minutes felt like ten minutes until she came in at 11:42. Seriously, TWELVE MINUTES LATE????? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM LADY!!!! Anyway, she came in and made a comment about waiting for us to call to tell her we were ready. . .she clearly said she would meet us here at 11:30 just an hour or so ago!! I heard her and so did my nurse!! Anyway, Kaden was born by 11:47. Now, I know that c-sections are quick, but she came in the door at 11:42 and he was completely out by 11:47 . . . completely out with TWO BROKEN BONES!!! I just cannot help but thinking that if she had been on time or had taken a little more time to gently reposition his arm we would not have had to spend the next 4 days going back and forth between my room and the NICU to see him. That's really hard when trying to recover from having a c-section. Not to mention that every time I see the look of pain on his face and hear him cry that "I'm in pain" cry it makes me so angry at her. He is such a champ though. Unless we are doing something that is messing with his arm (changing his clothes, etc.) he really doesn't cry. He's such a good baby!! We are really so blessed.

In the NICU, Kaden looked so pitiful. He was on a lot of Tylenol, and he had to be fed through a tube (which was really not much fun for him or for mommy or daddy to watch).

I was discharged on Thursday night and Kaden had to stay in the NICU. I didn't want to leave him, but I had told Jackson that I would be home Thursday night and I did not want to disappoint him after being gone for 3 1/2 weeks. He was pretty excited for me to be home so I am glad that I made the decision. Kurt and I were so worn out on Thursday and just going home and getting a good night sleep in my bed made all the difference in the world. I was also able to dry my hair for the first time in 3 1/2 weeks and I cannot tell you how good that felt. :) I was like a new woman. Now, I have not dried it again since then . . .HAHA! It was nice that day though. :) We fully anticipated spending Labor Day weekend going back and forth between home and the NICU, but when the doctors came in on Friday morning, they said Kaden had done everything he needed to do to be released to come home on Friday. We were shocked and completely unprepared to take him home. . . we didn't have a diaper bag with us or anything. The NP said that if we had asked her the day before about him going home she would have said no way, but he did so well from Thursday to Friday that she thought he would do fine at home with us. We were so excited. . . and I think us leaving was just enough to make Kaden work to get home with Mommy and Daddy. :) Anyway, we are thrilled to be home with our family of FOUR. Jackson and Wrigley have both been great with Kaden. Jackson is the BEST big brother Ever!!

Saturday was a relaxing day. Susie came up to make us dinner and help out with some things around the house, but other than that it was just us, which was nice. On Sunday, we had a house full of visitors. Andrea, one of my BFFs, came up from St. Louis to visit and meet Kaden. I haven't seen her in forever so it was really nice to see her. I hate living so far away, but whenever we are together it is like we haven't missed a beat.
My family came up too. Mom, Dad, Hunter, Denise, Adrianna, and Tianna all made their way up to see us. Denise and the girls have never seen our house so it was really nice to have them up here. We actually got a photo of Mom and Dad with all five grandkids, which never happens without someone having a sour look on their face. :) It actually turned out really well, though.
Kaden decided to stay awake all night last night so everyone else in the house is sleeping right now, which is why I have had time to write such a LONG blog entry. Sorry about that! :) Regardless of the 3 1/2 weeks that I had to be away from home, the pain from the c-section, the NICU stay for Kaden, etc., I have never been happier in my life. My time away has really taught me to think about the things that really matter in life. I've learned to be more patient, and I've learned that leaning on God in trying times will get you through anything. I am so incredibly blessed to have a wonderful husband who helps around the house, takes care of our boys' needs, defends us and advocates for us at all times, and loves us so much. I am also blessed to have two beautiful boys who are so sweet.

I really feel like the luckiest woman alive and I have never been happier with my life. This experience has really made me learn to lean on God and has strengthened my belief that all things happen for a reason. I really did not look forward to the experiences that I have had in the last month, but now that all is said and done, I realize what an important role this month has had in my life . . . now and for the rest of my days. I love my family! I love my life!

Happy Labor Day everyone! :)

Mark . . .my sign from God

I was really bummed on Monday that I was not going to be able to deliver on Tuesday and get out of here. My awesome nurse, Leigh Ann, came in to tell me the results because my doctor had gone home without coming to tell me. One more disappointment. . .

I held back my tears while Leigh Ann was in here, but Kurt called right after she told me. Leigh Ann left the room and said she would come back when I was done talking with Kurt. As soon as the door closed I lost it. I couldn't even talk because I was crying so hard. He, obviously, knew that we had received the news that we did NOT want to hear. He sat quietly, and while I could tell he was bummed he was more concerned about me. He knows how difficult this has been on me, and while I know it has been very difficult on him as well he has been worried about me. He's a pretty awesome hubby!! Anyway, I didn't really have long to talk with him . . . maybe a couple minutes when someone knocked on my door. It was the lady at the front desk letting me know that Mark Knapp was here to visit. Mark is my mother-in-law's cousin, and he is a pastor as well. As soon as she told me that he was here, I knew that God was telling me that it's all going to be okay and it just isn't the right time yet. I believe in coincidence, but with all my heart, I KNOW that Mark Knapp coming to visit me at the exact time that my nurse told me I was not going to be able to meet my little boy the next day was NOT a coincidence. I know that Mark was my sign from God that all things happen for a reason, and while it is okay for me to be disappointed it just wasn't the right time. Mark and I had a nice visit. He's such a sweet man. He's one of those people who just makes you feel loved and makes you feel at ease, and I thank God for sending him to see me when He did. I hope that I will look back at this whole experience . . . the whole pregnancy, really . . . and remember how many times that I have felt God's presence in my life and felt His reassurance that everything will be okay.

Baby Kaden wanted his own birthday

We were supposed to deliver Kaden via c-section yesterday (8/24), but the amniocentesis on Monday showed that his little lungs just weren't ready to be delivered. Therefore we are waiting until next Monday (8/30) to deliver. Yesterday was my Aunt Debbie, cousin Chandler, and Great Grandpa Allen's birthday so I just think Kaden wanted his own birthday. :) I was really bummed when we got the results of the amnio, but I've gotten used to the idea now. I wouldn't want him to end up in the NICU for a long time so this is, obviously, what is best. I was just really looking forward to getting out of this bed and this room. It is amazing how quickly your muscles atrophy when staying in bed for 3 weeks. Ugh . . .not much longer, though!!! :)

I have had quite a few visitors while I have been in the hospital so the time has really gone pretty quickly. My parents and Hunter have been up on both weekends. This has allowed Kurt to have some time to get things done at the house, which is really nice. They brought up a care package from Aunt Wanda that included some things for me and Jackson. One of the things that she sent for Jackson was a Toy Story backpack. Dad was trying to get Jackson to put it on and he wouldn't so Dad put it on.
It was not as easy to take off as it was to get it on though, and he actually got stuck in it for a few minutes. Haha!! Silly Pop Pop!!

We bought Jackson a bunch of Dr. Seuss books to have here at the hospital so we have something to keep him occupied while he is here, and Dad has spent some time reading to the boys when they were here.
Hunter has been so good when they have visited, which is nice because he is usually a hyper mess. Haha! He's been so sweet and so well behaved though.

When I was working at WEBO, we had some friends over there who would keep Jackson when I had evening activities at school. Amanda was one of my students, and Tammy, her mom, worked with me at WEBO. Amanda was also one of Jackson's afternoon teachers at daycare. Needless to say, they love Jackson to pieces and he loves them right back. They came to visit last Sunday.
It was nice to visit with them. We will miss seeing them so much with me not working at Webo anymore.

My friend, Jeanine, and her little boy Henry have visited a couple times to hang out with me at lunch time. She is on maternity leave right now so it has been nice to spend time with them. Henry is such a little cutie. I wish I would have taken some pictures. Lissa, Kurt's Assistant Principal, has visited twice (once with her family). My mother in law has been here several times, and my father in law was here briefly. My friend Sarah Raines stopped by one day to bring me some yummy cookies and magazines. Heather and Rees came to visit and Dani came to bring me some ice cream . . . Yum Yum!! I have also received flowers from Susie, my parents, and Dani, Scott, Rhino, & Kelly. As bummed as I was about not being able to get out of here this week, the flowers really did brighten my day and lift my spirits. :) I feel pretty blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. It really has made this experience easier to handle.

Progress

So, while I have been in the hospital, we have had some busy bees working at our house. I cannot believe how quickly things are progressing. It's nice. Dennis, our General Contractor, has sent me pictures almost everyday with some updates. Here are the most updated photos that I have received.

I think they were supposed to put the decking on the roof today, and Dennis thought they would have the entire roof (existing and new) completed by Friday. Now, if we just had our windows. . . oh well. I can't wait to see what it looks like when it's finished. I know this is the part that seems to go so quickly because there are so many large/visible changes, but I'm still excited. I just wonder how much they will have done by the time I get home at the end of next week. My maternity leave is going to be eventful to say the least. Thank God for nursing covers or every contractor in Hamilton County would be seeing me nurse the baby.

While Dennis and Brian have been busy on the outside of the house, Kurt has been working hard inside as well. He laid new floors in Jackson's room, and it looks so good. Jackson had this awful yellow carpet in his room before. It was stained and pretty gross, but Kurt took care of that. . .
Isn't it pretty?? I love it. I can't wait to see it in person. We will have the same floors in all of the new rooms and in the dining room as well. I can't wait. It's so much nicer than the old school carpet that we have had. In addition to the floors, Kurt has been busy taking siding off of the house and working on a dresser for Jackson. Jackson is still using the dresser with the changing table on top of it, which we will need for Kaden in about a week. When we moved into the house, Grandad had an empty dresser in Jackson's closet. It had been antiqued, which was not really our style, but it is a really nice dresser so Kurt has been stripping it and refinishing it for Jackson. He has worked really hard on it, and finally finished it this weekend.
The next month or so are probably going to be pretty chaotic with the new baby and the construction, but I can't wait to see the end result.

Last pic at home. . . 34 weeks

Sarah Jean asked me about recent pics so I thought I would post these. They were taken a couple days ago, last pics before going into the hospital. Okay, last post for real this time. . . time for bed.

Can I have a quarter please?

Unfortunately, this has been a very difficult year for us. In January we lost Kurt's Grandad. In April, we lost my Pappaw. Tragically, in July, we lost Kurt's brother, Craig, in an automobile accident. Craig was a quiet guy, but he was a really good guy. He was a fantastic uncle, and Jackson just loved him.
Here's a picture of them on Christmas. Craig and Brittney spoiled him, really. It makes me really sad that Jackson has now lost both of his uncles, but I am so happy that he at least had the first few years with Craig. We all miss him very much.

Phil and Donna Stackhouse, some family friends, bought a Japanese Lilac tree for Brett and Susie when Craig passed away. Brett and Susie are probably going to be moving eventually, so we decided to plant the tree at our house. Brett, Susie, and Brittney came up one evening so Kurt and Brett could plant the tree. It's a really pretty little tree, and we planted it right at the back of the property.

Brett told Jackson that every time he waters the tree, he will pay him a quarter so Jackson makes sure he reminds Kurt to water the tree every day. He doesn't hesitate to tell Brett when he needs to pay him either. I like it that we have the tree at our house so we can talk to Jackson about Craig and the importance of the tree.

After we planted the tree, Jackson just had to show us how good he is at baseball. He actually is pretty good for a 2 year old. He usually hits about every 3rd or 4th pitch. He actually hit it so hard the other day that it flew up on the porch, hit the house, and bounced into the hole for the basement. We had to have the concrete guys toss it up to us when they were taking the forms off a few days later. Granted, it is a big bat, but I'm still pretty impressed with him for a 2 year old. Anyway, I don't have any pictures or videos of him hitting the ball. . . I will have to get one because it is so cute (and again, pretty impressive in my eyes. . . of course I am his mom). We did get a picture of him pitching to Brett though and I thought it was pretty cute. We don't really have very many pictures of Brett so I love it that we have this picture of him playing with Jackson. Jackson loves his PeePaw so I'm glad we got this photo.
As difficult as the year has been to this point, I am hoping that the birth of Kaden will be a turning point for our family. I think we have dealt with enough heartache for awhile. Through it all, though, we have definitely realized how blessed we are with family and friends who are so supportive in so many ways. It's times like these that one really feels how much they are loved and how blessed they are in life, and we can't really complain one bit.

Summertime . . .

This summer has been very eventful to say the least. I knew at the beginning of the summer that I would probably be hospitalized at some point so I wanted to have as much fun as we could while we had the chance. Unfortunately I did not get pictures of all of it, but we went to the zoo a few times and the Children's Museum once. We also went to the Strawberry Festival on the circle in Indianapolis. . .YUMMY!! Jackson loved every minute, and of course he was super cute but I didn't have my camera . . .oops.

We had a lot of fun at 4th of July. Our old neighborhood had a block party and we were invited. I think they will forever be our neighbors since we don't have any neighbors now. We love them all to pieces anyway so I am cool with that. :) Anyway, here are some photos from the block party . . .fun times.
Me and Dani - one of the best friends a girl could ever have. :)
Family photo . . . which we don't have very often.
We put the headphones on Jackson because he doesn't like loud noises. He really freaked out a few times about the fireworks . . . so much so that I thought we would have to leave, but he calmed down and ended up enjoying them . . .kinda!

A couple days later (actually on July 4th), my parents came to visit and Jackson acted like he had never been bothered by fireworks. He was a champ. He kept saying Oh Wow. . . It was pretty cute.

He and Hunter got matching glowing swords, and he Loves that thing.
Before the fireworks we hung out at Brett and Susie's house. . . We all ate dinner in the fifth wheel trailer because they are remodeling their house. This picture was super cute of Hunter and Jackson . . .they get along pretty well but now that Jackson is getting older they are starting to fight like brothers at times. . . funny, but annoying too. Haha!
A couple weeks ago we met up with the Gentry's to get ice cream at Handels. Dani and I used to go ALL THE TIME when we lived across the street so it was nice to go with them. The kids had fun. They are so cute together. I just love those kiddos, and Jackson does too. We are pretty blessed to have them in our lives. :)
Looking at the picture of Jackson, Emmy, and Ty, you would never know that this was what Jackson looked like about 45 minutes earlier. . . so cute . . . he was so pooped out that he just fell asleep at the table.

Susie's cousin Greg has a pool at his house, and he is so sweet that he said we could use it whenever we want. He is also the father/father-in-law of Chris & Heather, our very dear friends. Anyway, they were out of town in Michigan, but he said to go on over and cool off so we did just that. Jackson had so much fun, and I have to admit it felt Really good to this pregnant lady. Being pregnant in the summer kinda sucks. . . especially when it is one of the hottest summers on record. The pool felt wonderful!
With all of the work that has been happening at our house, Dennis, our general contractor, has been at the house a lot. Jackson has just fallen in love with him. He gets so excited about Dennis, and Dennis is wonderful to him (because he has a 4 year old and is used to being interrupted and all that fun stuff). We couldn't have asked for a better person to be our general contractor.
Finally, Kurt's cousin, Dana, and her little boy, Michael, came up to visit us last weekend. She made us Chicken and Noodles and came up to keep Jackson occupied so Kurt could get some work done and I could rest like my doctor had ordered. The boys were going non-stop, but they actually slowed down for a few minutes so I could get this cute little picture of them. I love it. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. . . they have really been a blessing this summer, as it has been a difficult summer in many ways.

That's our summer in a nutshell. Haha! I know it was a long post, but I haven't posted pictures since like last July so I think it's okay. :) Now that summer is over and I am about to have 2 little ones to play with and take care of, I am glad that I was able to spend the beginning of the summer doing fun things with my little guy. I wish I would have been able to be more fun at the end of the summer, but the bedrest will all be worth it once we have another healthy boy in our arms. :)